silviculture

Rating: PG-13, Disclaimer: The stories are works of fiction and DO NOT in any way reflect the real lives, sexual preferences, or personalities of the characters.

From Peter's point of view. Him and Markus and Niklas work as tree planters, and try and enjoy their summer.

Picture order is Peter then Markus in both pics of them as kids and as adults. Nikky I only have a grown up pic.

"The art and science of controlling the establishment, growth, composition, health and quality of forests and woodlands. Silviculture entails the manipulation of forest and woodland vegetation in stands and on landscapes to meet the diverse needs and values of landowners and society on a sustainable basis."

My mother asked me the other day what I liked so much about tree planting and that's what I told her, that the view was awesome. She thinks that I have some kind of sick fascination with the forest now. I think she's better off thinking that than knowing that I'm fascinated by Markus's ass.

And the way his hair darkens and curls against his neck when he sweats. God I want to lick the back of his neck so bad most days I have to try and stop looking at him altogether. That lasts about five minutes then I'm back to staring at him.

You know how sometimes when you're in a car and it's raining and you stare at the side windows, your mind unconsciously picking a certain drop of rain to race the others to the bottom? I'm like that with droplets of sweat on his back.

I think I'm jealous of them. They get to run all along the length of Markus's back, and disappear into the waistband of his pants, I wish that I could go the places they've been.

The entire time I've been working here I've been behind him, watching him work while I do my own without even thinking about it. It's hard and tiring and doesn't pay great but it's the best job I've ever had.

I've known Markus my whole life, our houses are next to one another, our parents are friends and we're friends too, though not as close as we used to be. That's my fault the deeper my feelings get for him the more I tried and distance myself from him.

It doesn't work it just makes me feel worse, I think it makes him feel bad too. I've caught him looking at me a few times and the look on his face confuses me. I can't tell exactly what he means by it. Sometimes I think he's hurt and wants me to talk to him and sometimes... sometimes I think he looks how I feel... but that's just wishful thinking.

We're both hoping to play for Modo this year, we're easily both good enough to make the team, but we're still making sure to keep in good shape over the summer. Planting gives me more of a workout than any other thing that I've ever done.

Between that and us playing hockey on the pavement we'll both be ready come the end of August no problem. That's not much more than a month away, doesn't matter we'll still both make it. We've been on the same team together for only one year and believe me I like that a lot better than when we're on separate teams.

Lucky for us Ornskoldsvik has a great team and we can both play there and get exposure while not having to move far away from home or each other just yet.

Markus smiles and I have to grit my teeth to stop myself from lunging at him and tacking him to the ground. "I said its almost time for our birthday party, what do you think they have planned for us this year?"

Our birthdays are ten days apart, mine on the twentieth and his on the thirtieth, since we've always gotten along so well our parents usually have one party, one year on his the next year on mine. It's his turn to have it on his day this year. We still had dinner together at my house a few days ago when I turned seventeen but the party will be on his this weekend. That's not so long to wait.

We both get back to work, taking breaks when they're not scheduled isn't allowed and neither of us wants to get into trouble. As much as I ache at the end of practically every day I'm glad we got this job. Not only have we gotten to spend the entire summer together but we've gotten closer.

I'm not so scared around him as I used to be, I'm getting more and more used to the fact that I'm attracted to him and that I'll just have to deal with that if I want to be his friend.

It'd be harder if he had a girlfriend I think. I mean if I had to see him kissing someone else all the time or something like that. Neither one of us has ever had a serious girlfriend. I've never even really kissed a girl, I can't remember ever really wanting to kiss anyone but Markus since I was a little kid.

I did once when we were ten. He pushed me and told me that that was bad. I cried and ran away from him. We didn't talk for a week, that's the longest we ever went without being best friends. I don't want that to happen again.

I have no idea why he's never dated anyone, for me its because no one ever measures up to him in my mind.

Luckily everyone assumes I'm so hockey obsessed that nobody ever questions the fact that I don't date, I guess everyone thinks the same thing about Markus too. Except with him I think that really is the reason.

When we're done for the day, we both put our shirts back on and start walking back to the camp. Markus throws an arm over my shoulder and asks what we're doing tonight.

I lean against him for just a second and close my eyes wishing I could just melt against him and hug him back. The fact that he's just finished a long hard day's work under the hot sun is not lost on me with the scent that fills my senses but I don't mind it, I don't try and move away from him. "I don't know."

I groan silently. I wanted to spend time alone with Markus but I guess that's not going to happen. This kid Niklas is always hanging around us. He plays hockey too but he's a couple of years behind us. That doesn't stop him from wanting to be our friend.

Still he is nice, and really eager, it's hard to actually get angry with him. And at the very least he's not as annoying as the damn redheaded twin boys that tag on our heels whenever we manage to end up at the same place as them. "What do you think we should do then Nikky." I smile at him when he catches up and starts walking next to me. I don't think I'm attracted to other boys, just to Markus but Nikky is very good looking.

Even at fifteen his beauty is undeniable. Not that I think I'm old and mature by any means but fifteen is still fifteen, even if I could ever foresee myself ever wanting anyone but Markus it wouldn't be someone who's fifteen.

"Sounds good to me." It takes forever for it to get dark in summer so we can swim for hours after supper.

"Swimming sounds fun." Markus's arm tightens around me then drops away. As much as it kind of made me feel awkward it felt right too and I miss it.

The whole walk back to the camp I miss it but when he get on the bus Markus falls asleep like he always does and eventually his head lolls from the back of the seat onto my shoulder. And like usual I pretend that I'm asleep as well so that I can rest my cheek against his hot forehead and breathe in the smell of him.

He sleeps differently on the bus. I know that when we sleep at each other's houses or on road trips in the same room that he breathes really deep when he's asleep but on the bus his breathing is just normal. It seems to get a little faster when I lean against him, that could be because my heart starts beating so fast that I'm imagining everything at the same speed though.

I don't really care what the reason is, I'm just glad to be able to be so close to him. When my eyes twitch, my lashes brush against his hair and every time he shifts even slightly I'm moved too. It's only through huge concentration that I can resist wrapping my arms around him and holding him like I want to.

When the bus returns to town and I pretend to wake up and move away from him I think I hear a soft sigh from Markus but it was probably from me. He gives me a half smile as apology for sleeping on me and I shrug to let him know that it's okay. The look on his face confuses me. He almost looks hurt.

I'm hard but I don't think that I moved in a way that he could feel that, I couldn't possibly have offended him. Nikky tells us that he'll meet us at the lake in an hour and Markus and I start walking up the steep hill to our houses. There are no lights on at my house so we both go into his. My parents are there playing cards with Markus's and we talk to them a while before we get shooed to the kitchen.

Since we're both pretty disgusting we don't sit down, just grab a plate of food each and lean against the counter while we eat. Markus is a little quieter than usual but he's eating pretty fast so I'm not worrying about it. I'm not completely full until about half way through my third plate and I have to lay it down.

"We can get some when we get back from swimming." he grins. "I'll meet you outside as soon as I'm changed."

"Sure." I grin and say bye to my parents before going to my house to change into my swim trunks. They're fairly old, I really should buy new ones but they're comfortable so I probably won't. And I still look good in them so I'm not going to complain.

Markus is outside already; I heard his door close. Peeking out my window I get a chance to stare at him without him noticing. His trunks are as old as mine I think, they cling to him in all the right places. So many of the guys just wear baggy shorts but not him, they're navy blue and though certainly not a speedo or anything they're tight.

Thank God mine are slightly baggy. Even still I need to get under control a little before I can go downstairs. Not that it's going to help much. Oh well I guess that's what my towel is for.

It's not really far to the lake so we walk, not that either one of us could have gotten a car anyway but its still nice to walk. A few times I think that I feel someone looking at me but when I look up Markus is staring ahead. We're talking the entire time about the upcoming season, wondering if we're the only people in town that can't wait for summer to be over, but there is something between us.

We're about halfway there when Nikky catches up with us. "Hey Nikky." Markus grins. He almost looks relieved.

Again I'm torn between wishing Nikky wasn't here so I could be alone with Markus. Even though it feels a little weird between us tonight I still want to be around him. And the fact that having Nikky here is almost like a distraction I'm not so focused on Markus when he's around, sometimes that's a good thing.

Whatever, he's here and he makes things light, happy and fun, it's good that he's here. There's a bunch of other guys from the team here too so I don't have time to brood about anything. I don't know how long we stay out in the water, playing games and having chicken fights but its still sort of light when we all finally come out of the water.

We light a fire but by the time it dies out most everyone has gone home, there's only me and Markus and a few guys still hanging out, even Nikky went home a while ago. "You want to swim some more?"

"Yeah." I grin. At this point I want to do anything that involves me not staring at his nearly naked body. Really cold water is a good camouflage right about now. And it is cold, no matter how hot the temperature is the water here is always freezing, I guess we just got used to it at some point.

It's always funny to see tourists come here and see that the water is full of people and just hop in assuming that the water is great, they are out of the water so fast it's hilarious. We get back in the water and Markus grabs me by the shoulders and dunks us both under.

For the next half-hour I get to touch him and have his body pressed against mine and he can't see my reaction to him at all. I love it. I'm standing in waist deep water and Markus has just resurfaced, he shakes his hair and splatters me with the cool drops.

Though I could care less about that I take hold of his shoulders and threaten to dunk him again. Our chests are so close that his nipple brushes mine, I have no idea how I stifle the moan that dies at the back of my throat. A drop of water falls off his nose and I lean forward...

We leap apart. Markus sighs and starts walking toward the shore... there is no way that he knows how much I just wanted to kiss him but a little bit of fear erupts in my stomach anyway.

"Sorry your mother was starting to walk down here when I was on my way back and I figured I'd better come get you rather than her catching you." he grins at me.

He grins at Markus too, grinning bigger when Markus smiles back. I don't even really have time to mull it over because Nikky starts talking about how tired we're all going to be at work tomorrow, he doesn't stop talking until we're at my house and we all say good bye.

Nikky was right though; I was so tired in the morning. Staying out that late was definitely not a good idea. Even watching Markus work all day doesn't make me feel much better, I still look of course but it doesn't get me through the day like it usually does.

On the bus ride home I don't fake sleep I fall asleep before Markus does, this time I lean on his shoulder and when I wake up his cheek is resting against my forehead. I fake sleep for a little while longer so I can stay like this for as long as I can.

I don't do anything but shower, eat and go to bed once I get home. I know that I'll need my rest since our birthday surprise is tomorrow after work. I can't believe that our parents haven't let it slip at all, not so much as a hint, every other year we've got it figured out by the beginning of July almost.

I've never worked a faster day of work in my life as today, everything went perfect. Nikky comes home with us since he is invited. I let him shower and clean up first and then while he's dressing I get ready. Since its still warm out, I pull on khaki shorts and a grey t-shirt.

Nikky is dressed pretty much the same and when we get to Markus's house so is he. I admire the way his blue shorts mold to his body for a minute or so then shake my head and stop before someone catches me. Markus runs across the room and hugs me. "I know."

"No." he hugs me harder and then lets me go. Nikky bursts into laughter and Markus ruffles his hair. "You'll find out in a minute."

We have supper and then guys from the team show up and we all have cake and joke and play cards forever before anyone tells me what's going on. Markus keeps on grinning at me and I'm ready to scream by the time most of the guys leave.

Not that I wasn't having fun, cause it was a blast but I hate when he knows something that I don't.

Everyone is gone except Nikky, apparently whatever our surprise is he's invited. That's okay by me the more time we spend with him the more fun we're having together. My mom comes into the room with a big roll of tickets and passes them to me. Markus's mom hands all three of us sweaters and tells us to have fun.

"We're going to the fair Peter." Markus throws an arm over my shoulder. "By ourselves."

I grin as big as he is. Every year this huge fair comes to town, people come from the whole surrounding area and we always want to go alone but have never been allowed. Now we finally get to.

A quick hug to our parents and we are all on our way. Like going to the lake we walk. It's long but we're all up to it no problem. Once we get there we walk around the entire place and make a game plan, deciding what to do first and what we absolutely can't miss.

Aside from a few rides here and there we spend most of our time playing games and eating. I thought I was full from supper and cake but you can always find room for more at the fair I guess. Henrik and Daniel walk by with their parents but their mother grabs their hands and pulls them along while she calls out hello to us. So we're spared the redheaded twins tonight.

Markus won't go on the ferris wheel because he's afraid of being up so high, Nikky wants to go so he gets on alone and Markus and I watch. I didn't really want to go on this without Markus but its not the end of the world that I'm not on it at all. I'm not letting the night go by without getting on the roller coaster without him though.

"Okay let's go on the roller coaster while Nikky is up there." I hold up four tickets.

"Oh come on it won't be that bad. I'll protect you." I throw my arm around his shoulders. Instead of springing away like I'd assumed he would Markus leans against me for a few seconds. Almost like he wants me to hold him.

I let him go right away. He sighs and I start walking to the roller coaster. He sighs... I look back and Markus definitely looks hurt. Could he really want me the same way that I... I can't even let myself think it.

When Markus catches up with me he stands close to me again, close enough that our shoulders touch. I manage to stay still even though I feel like bolting. He's initiating it, he's the one touching me, I'm not going to freak him out if I touch him back but I can't make myself do it with out worrying that it'll change what we have.

Markus's fingers brush against mine when we settle into the seat, we're in the back, so at least it won't be as scary for him as being in front. When I look at him he smiles so beautifully at me that I let myself go for a minute and my fingers close over his hand on the bar.

Just for a minute, but in that minute, I feel like an electric shock surged through me.

Admittedly I should have already realized that. I mean I've loved him since I was a little kid but its different now, its not just love, its more than that, I don't know what to call it.

Boys don't love other boys. I've heard the older guys talking about guys fooling around before but that's just that, they don't actually... Markus's hand tightens around mine and tears spring to my eyes for a second.

I force myself to look up and the look in Markus's eyes makes my heart stop. He's scared for sure but there is more there, it looks like I feel when I think about him. Like I'm looking into the mirror... I want to drop his hand... I want off of this ride... I want to kiss him... I want to tell him I love him...

I cling to his hand as we whip around the track, squeezing tighter as we go up the only hill on the entire track. It's almost at the end of the ride. Markus is hurting me now he's squeezing so hard. At the very top of the rise I look at him and he's white as a sheet, staring at me, the look in his eyes begging me to protect him.

I put one arm around him and he melts against me. I've never seen him like this, so scared, so unsure, so close to me.

Without even thinking about it I lean closer and kiss him. It's just my lips against his but all the feelings that have been building in me all summer come to a boil and I kiss him harder, too scared to open my mouth. I've never kissed anyone before; I don't even really know what to do if I open my mouth.

But I do it anyway, just for a second licking at his bottom lip and then groaning loudly when he opens his mouth and my tongue is inside him. The first time my tongue touches his I nearly lose it right away and shudder against him for a few seconds.

Markus is shaking just as much as I am. I'm too afraid to look at him. I can't believe I just did that. I'm so stupid.

Somehow I manage to pull away from him before the ride stops and when the brake is released on the safety bar I bolt before I can work up enough courage to look him in the eyes. I can hear him call out my name but I can't stop myself from running.

I run right into Nikky who takes one look at my face and pulls me over to an empty section of picnic tables. "What's wrong Peter?" he looks scared. I must look like a maniac.

"I... c... could tell that you liked him and I know that he..." Nikky starts but I don't hear a word he says after that.

"Peter." Nikky rubs the back of my neck. "You don't need to be so upset, I don't care that you like other boys."

"No." Nikky swallows so hard his whole body shifts with the movement. "Cause I like one too, he doesn't like me back that way though."

That's what the grinning was about. Nikky likes Markus too... I can't deal with the fact that something could happen between them. I need to leave. "You like Markus?" I can barely hear my own voice.

"No." Nikky moves a little closer to me. "I like you Peter." he leans his head forward and kisses me. I'm so shocked that my mouth opens and his tongue flickers against mine. It's nice but it's not right. Before I can pull back I hear footsteps behind me and when I look up I see Markus.

'Markus... damn... Peter I'm so sorry, I never should have kissed you." Nikky's eyes shine with tears and I shake my head.

"Peter... you need to go find Markus... go..." he pushes me and runs in the other direction.

I feel really badly for him, I know exactly how he feels but I need to find Markus more than I need to comfort Nikky. I run up the road, not stopping until I get to his house. Despite being in good shape I'm panting when his mother answers the door.

There is no way out of this tonight so I give up and go to my house. My room is right across from Markus's, so close that when we were kids we used to throw a ball back and forth between our windows. It was a fun game until we broke his window and got punished. Then it wasn't so much fun.

I stand at my window for over an hour but there is no movement in Markus's room. I'm alternating between being absolutely furious with myself and sniffling, finally I can't keep my eyes open anymore and I go to bed.

"We're you not feeling well either last night?" my mom feels my forehead in the morning. "You sounded like you had a cold last night."

At least she thinks I'm sick not that I was crying. Markus isn't at work today, I know he's not really sick anymore than I was and it hurts that he's hiding from me. I feel progressively worse as time goes on.

One day without him and I am already miserable, I don't even want to think about doing this for longer. I need to make it okay with him, even if I promise never to touch him again.

Nikky looks at me from across the field when our shift is over and I smile at him. We get to talk once we get off the bus. "I'm sorry that Markus saw me kiss you, I was going to try and talk to him this morning but he's not here... obviously..." he giggles nervously.

"Nikky..." I really don't know what to say. "I'm sorry too, I shouldn't have kissed you back..."

"Don't..." Nikky puts his hands up. "I know that it was wrong, and I know its probably never going to happen again. I can even live with the fact that you don't like me back, but don't say that you shouldn't have. Please let me have that one kiss."

"Duh, yes he does. I've caught him looking at you as much as I've caught you looking at him and he has that same look in his eyes." Nikky hugs me back and walks in the opposite direction than me.

I don't know if I can believe that or not, it does explain a lot of things but I can't quite force myself to believe it.

This time Markus's mom says that he went for a walk. "Are you two fighting? You never fight, what's wrong?"

"Fine hmm..." she narrows her eyes but smiles anyway. "I'll let him know you were here in case you don't find him."

My mother forces me to eat since she thinks I might still be coming down with something and need to keep my strength up. I shovel supper into me in a way that can't be healthy and grab a quick shower, not even bothering to brush my hair once I'm done, just brushing my teeth and throwing on shorts and a t-shirt.

I walk for hours and can't find Markus anywhere. His bedroom is dark when I look up at it and I walk to the back of my house. Its starting to get a little cool and I don't have a sweater; I don't care at this point. I only want to stare at the woods and brood.

I don't have to stare for long and I know exactly where Markus is. When we were twelve we built a small fort in the woods behind our houses. If it was actually in the trees it could be called a tree house, but instead we'd built a platform off the ground and had a ladder to get up into it.

He doesn't answer but that doesn't surprise me. It used to be too big to get up but now I can grasp the platform and hoist myself up. Its not exactly easy and I've torn skin on both my hands by the time I get up. It hurts but I wipe them against my jeans and open the door.

"I didn't answer you because I don't want to talk to you." Markus sighs. He's sitting in the corner, his knees bent up to his chest and his arms resting on the top of them.

I kneel down in front of him and force myself to look directly at him. "I'm so sorry that I kissed you like that." I had to add the end part, I can't be sorry for that kiss, like Nikky said its all I have.

"I said that I'm not mad that you kissed me... you idiot." Markus yells. "I've been trying to get you to kiss me all summer. I'm mad that instead of talking to me that you ran away from me." he shouts louder. "But I hate that you left me to go kiss Nikky."

Yes, I know he said more important things than this but I can't not ask him anyway. "You wanted me to kiss you?"

"Yes." Markus jumps when I lay my hands on his but he doesn't try and move away. "Why do you think I was touching you so often and keeping on trying to make sure we were alone so much..."

"Damn Peter, look how I acted on the stupid ride yesterday I all but begged you to hug me and kiss me. God when you did it was amazing. I've never..."

"But..." why won't my brain wrap around this so I can accept it. I believe Markus I know he wouldn't lie to me but I still cant quite accept it.

"Peter." Markus flips his hands up so that our palms are together. Like we're holding hands.

"I obviously shouldn't have left it up to you to take the initiative." he presses his lips to mine.

I'm too shocked for a minute to respond and we're both kind of fumbling to work out how to get it right but eventually we stop bumping together and ease into a long slow kiss. Markus's tongue flickers against the roof of my mouth and I shiver against him.

He's shivering too and I let go of his hands to hug him closer to me. Our lips haven't parted but we're much closer now. I'm almost vibrating against him and him against me as we try to hug each other tight enough to make them stop.

Somehow we end up lying on our sides and the feel of the full length of his body pressed to mine only makes me more excited. By the time we stop kissing I can barely breathe.

My forehead is rested against his, our eyes locked. I can barely believe that I'm this close to him and I don't have to pretend to be asleep. Markus's hand is resting against my hip and mine are still pressed against his back.