Every Blinding Curve 1-6

Rating: NC-17, Disclaimer: The stories are works of fiction and DO NOT in any way reflect the real lives, sexual preferences, or personalities of the characters.

Trevor Linden makes it to the NHL at 18, and has to adjust to life in the big show and life in general. Picture order is Trevor, Brett Hull, Jim (house) Sandlak, Ronnie Stern. No pic of Thomas, I made him up!

I've been tossing and turning every night for months now and can only come to one conclusion. There is no fucking way I'm going to sleep properly ever again.

I'm lying in Brett Hull's house. I'm lying in his bed. His mom cooks me supper. His sister teases me about stealing my sweaters. His stepfather even helped me pick out my truck.

I'll admit that when the team first told me that I wasn't going to be allowed to live by myself I was choked. Okay I'd never lived by myself before but its not like I'm from such a tiny little town. Medicine Hat is a city. Of course once I actually explored around Vancouver a bit and got settled in I decided that I'm happy with this.

Medicine Hat might be a city but there is a world of difference between the Hat and Vancouver. Besides I like it here, it's almost like being at home. I get home cooked meals, I don't have to do many chores and The Robinson's genuinely seem to like me and I definitely like them.

So he didn't exactly live here for long he still lived here, and slept in this bed. Now I'm not the biggest Hull fan around and definitely not a Blues fan, but still its cool to be sleeping in a veteran player's bed.

I saw him play once when he was still a Flame. I'd saved up money for ages to go see the Flames play and drove to Calgary in my dad's truck. I wasn't disappointed, they'd won and I even got autographs after the game. Not Brett's though; he was kind of in the doghouse then according to the papers and had just skulked off after the game. I think he only played like ten games with them that whole season.

There were players I was more interested in seeing then anyway so I didn't pay much attention to Hull. I did get Lanny MacDonald's and Joe Nieuwendyk's autographs though. And Joel Otto even talked to me about making it to the NHL for a few minutes. That's always stuck out in my mind as him being incredibly cool.

I nearly passed out when the Canucks played against the Flames the first time. Joel checked me in the corner and I wanted to fall to my knees and say dude, remember me from two years ago? I was the sixteen-year-old kid who talked your ear off about me making it to the NHL.

He wouldn't have remembered me even if I had of done that though. Then again considering the fact that I was clearly making cow eyes at him I should probably be happy that he wouldn't remember me.

I didn't ever realize it at the time, hell I wasn't even sure I was gay then, but that's what I was doing. He was and is gorgeous. He's still huge compared to me even though we're about the same height, but back then I was all height and he dwarfed me. I was a lot in awe of him then, and even now.

Something tells me he wouldn't be too pleased to know that about a year after meeting him I beat off more times than I can count thinking about the different ways that evening could have gone. I know I know I was sixteen, hello fantasy.

I'd never even seen pictures of two guys together then, but the next time I went to Calgary I sure as hell did. I worked up enough nerve to go to a sex shop and grab a few magazines that I hid out in the barn, pushing my comic books aside in my secret spot.

I still haven't done much more than fool around a little bit since then, a few blow jobs with the only other gay guy I knew but I've definitely looked at enough pictures to be able to work up a proper fantasy now.

Hull was kinda cute back then too, his hair was longer and he was a little pudgier then he is now. That was the biggest knock on him, that he was fat. I didn't see it, then again back then I was six four and about a hundred and seventy pounds. Even thirty pounds heavier I still look too skinny compared to other players my height.

He was good but even I could see greatness beneath the surface. Unfortunately for him so could everyone and even if they couldn't the fact that he was Bobby Hull's son was enough to have every reporter in town on his ass because he didn't score fifty goals in his first season.

Getting out of Calgary was good for him. Not that they don't know hockey in St. Louis but the name Bobby Hull probably doesn't get murmured every time he goes anywhere in public.

Even though I'd never been really attracted to Brett, since I started living here I've been finding more and more things about him that I like. I've always enjoyed his voice of course, the first time I heard it on TV I wished I talked like that. I still don't, I think my voice is my voice now. No sexy, raspy, whiskey soaked voice for me, I'm always going to sound like the Albertan farm boy that I am. And I'm cool with that.

Anyway, living here and seeing pictures on the walls of Brett as well as the other boys as gap toothed, messy haired kids and hearing stories his mom tells has made me like him a lot more than I really want to think about. He's been back here to visit once but I was on a road trip, he slept in here though.

I checked the schedule and we play the Blues next week so I know I'm going to get to meet Brett if not formally at least on the ice. It'll be kind of weird considering that I live in his room now.

Man, Bob is going to kick my ass at practice tomorrow if I don't get to sleep soon. Lord knows who they'll move me in with if they don't think I'm getting enough structure here. I'll probably end up at our general manager Pat Quinn's house and having him tuck me in every night.

Shit, I can't start laughing now or Joanne will be in here to make sure I'm okay. I can't stop imagining Pat giving me a quick kiss on the forehead and tucking the blankets all around me. I'm half amused and half horrified and all the way giggling into my pillow, but when I stop I yawn so it's not so bad after all.

Even though the Robinson's have pretty much gotten used to me they still kinda look at me like a zoo exhibit when I eat, actually my family still do that after eighteen years of watching me pack food away so I shouldn't be surprised.

We don't have a game today just a practice and it's going pretty well, I've been here long enough that I'm not quite getting ribbed as much as I was but there is still the odd puck being shot at my skates that the guys seem to find hilarious.

That's so minimal compared to what you go through in junior though that I'm not complaining. Once you've been grabbed by a few guys, blindfolded and thrown into the bathroom on an eighteen hour bus ride and had a string tied around your dick that they tell you there is a rock tied around and you have to let them drop the rock. Well a few pucks knocking your feet out from underneath you, your keys lost a few times and the odd bit of Vaseline in your helmet don't really measure up.

There was no rock on the other end of the string sure, but when you're fifteen and scared out of your wits to begin with that hardly mattered. By the time I was sitting in the back seat of the Tigers bus none of our rookies got that visited upon them.

"Heads up Trevvie." Jim Sandlak better known to all of us as House shoots the puck toward me and grins when I automatically poke my stick out and then trip over it. Even Bob is chuckling when I pick myself off the ice. It's good natured laughing so I join in as well and House taps me on the ass with his stick as he skates by.

I smile back at him and continue on with the practice but am freaking happy when its over and I'm standing under the hard spray of the showers. As always I keep my eyes to myself as much as I can in case someone catches me checking them out and kicks my ass.

Not that I don't ever look, three quarters of the guys stay naked for as long as they can, a few even play ping pong naked before most games. None of us are particularly shy when it comes to our bodies; we spend too much time around each other for modesty to get involved.

Although, the first time someone stuck a microphone in my face while I was sitting in my stall naked I blushed so deep that I got ribbed for weeks about it. I'm still not comfortable with complete strangers talking to me while my dick is on display but I'm getting used to it.

"Ya want to go for lunch Trev?" House throws an arm over my shoulder after we're dressed. He's been just about my best friend on the team; I get along with most everyone but with House the best. About the only other guy I've spent any significant amount of time with is Ronnie Stern who was saddled with showing me the ropes my first few weeks. We got along great though and have stayed close the whole time I've been here.

"Sure." Why not? It's way too late for lunch but too early for supper, but food is food. We take my truck and head off to this restaurant he says is good. He guides me down so many streets and side streets that I'd never be able to find my way here ever again but we arrive safe and sound.

I swear it's going to take me longer to get used to driving in Vancouver than its going to take me to fully adjust to playing in the NHL. I'm doing pretty well in that department. Its definitely different than junior hockey and some of the guys are massive compared to the other teenagers I'd been used to playing with but I'm getting there.

It's a good restaurant too, there are lots of people but everyone is spaced enough so you're not sitting on top of everyone else. It's almost a shame that I'm never going to be able to find my way back.

All this thinking about playing for the Tigers earlier makes me wonder if I brought my old team jacket with me, I can't remember if I did or not, but make a mental note to look in my closet for it when I get back home.

"Trev. You still here?" House laughs as he drinks a beer. I'm not much of a drinker but had to settle for a pop anyway since I'm not old enough to be served yet and probably couldn't pass even if they hadn't asked straight away for ID from both of us.

House seems to find that hilarious and nearly chokes on his next sip of beer. "Big mistake kid." he laughs again and taps my forearm. "That can only lead to trouble."

I manage to discreetly flip him off and we're still laughing like maniacs when the waiter brings our food. He winks at me when he lays my plate down and I wink back and smile back without thinking about what I just did so I start eating, not even bothering to look up and see if House noticed.

When I do look up finally he's smirking at me and then he shakes his head before going back to eating. House orders another beer and leans back in his seat and is staring at me by the time I finish eating.

House is taking another swig of beer when the waiter comes by to take our plates and checks if we need anything else. We both shake our heads no and he winks at me again and takes the plates saying he'll bring the bill back.

"Yeah well sometimes thinking is good kid." House lays his beer down and leans back in his chair. I excuse myself and go to the bathroom. When I come back out the table is empty and House is paying so I wait for him.

"Great." he hands me a scrap of paper with his number written on it. I poke it into my pocket and smile back at him, I don't know if I really want to call him but it's nice to know that I have options. I'm a little scared of management finding out I'm gay for one thing but I'm still not sure that I'm ready to go further than fooling around yet either.

This guy is at least like five maybe six years older than I am and from the way he's looking at me he's not going to be happy with just a kiss at the end of the night. And since that's all I'm up for right now I may as well save myself the aggravation. Then again if I don't date and stuff I'm never going to be ready to go further.

What the fuck? I tap my pocket and smile then go join House. He's being quiet for the most part, just telling me when to make a turn. When we get at his apartment he leans back in the seat and shakes his head again. "Did you make a date with that guy or what?"

"Haven't I?" I sigh and run my fingers through my hair. "I can't think of anything I've done since coming to Vancouver that would even suggest that I was gay."

"You're right Trev... I just, some of the guys might not be." House lays a hand on my shoulder. "I want you to be... shit I don't know. I like you, I don't want you to get hurt."

I'm happy that even though he's a little uncomfortable that House is at least not running away screaming. It actually makes me feel a lot better about a lot of things. I've not exactly been ready to be honest with a lot of people but it's a relief to finally be able to let someone know.

"It's cool Trev." he grins and grabs the door handle. "I should go in before my wife comes out looking for me." I nod and he pats my shoulder again and smiles. "You'll come and pick me up tomorrow since my car is still at the arena?"

I'm still grinning like a fool when I pull out and know I can get home on my own from here considering how many nights I've eaten here with House and his wife. She's great, once I stopped calling her Mrs. House she even decided she liked me.

There's a note telling me that the Joanne and Ed are out for the night when I get home so I'm all alone. The phone rings and its my mom. She's just checking up on me asking where I was when she called earlier.

I smile. "Nah, not at all." My parents have been great, I think they hope this is all a phase but neither of them have been negative with me at all. When I do finally meet someone I don't know how they'll react but in the abstract they've been fine.

The rest of the conversation goes like always, me asking about the family and her making sure I'm not starving and that I'm being safe in the big city.

She never sounds like she believes me that I am doing fine except for getting lost more than I should be. Now I definitely want to look and see if I have something from the Hat here, even if its not my Tigers jacket I'm feeling just homesick enough to want some sort of reminder. I was home at Christmas so I shouldn't be homesick at all but I am.

I know I have a few boxes in the closet that I pretty much haven't looked at since I got here so I'll start there. The boxes pull out fairly easy and I sit down half in the closet to start looking through them. I don't find anything but stuff that I thought I'd need when I was going to be living alone.

Nothing, damn, I decide to look a little more and still come up empty handed. When I'm putting the boxes away one gets caught on something and I spend a few minutes poking around trying to fit them back in. It doesn't work so I pull stuff back out and try and flatten the carpet.

Shit, I pull on the lose carpet and notice that there is a board missing from the floor so I reach inside. Well it looks like I'm not the only one with a secret hiding spot. Brett has one too, inside there's a huge pile of spanky magazines. I'm not really interested in looking at a bunch of magazines with naked chicks in there but I'm totally interested in seeing exactly what Brett was hiding in here when he was a kid.

I pull out the stack of magazines and somehow stop my jaw from hitting the floor. Much to my surprise there's no girls to be seen, just guys. Lots of naked guys. I flip through them for a few minutes and then poke a few back in and keep a stack of them out. It's not exactly the reminder of home I was looking for but its something.

Flicking through them, they're pretty much the same as the ones I have even if they are like eight years older. I'd have never thought that Brett was gay. It kind of makes me feel a little more kinship than I was already beginning to feel with him from living here. But it also makes me feel weird.

Like I'm eavesdropping on his life. I wouldn't want some kid poking around in my secrets but I can't stop looking through them either. And it doesn't take much looking until I'm shifting my legs a little trying to find room for my dick in my jeans.

It's not working though and since I'm going to be home by myself for a few more hours and time alone has been like nonexistent since I moved here, I'm taking advantage. Just as I get settled on the bed and have the magazines next to me and am reaching for a bottle of lotion when I hear the front door click open.

I shove the magazines under the bed, no one should find them under there, I keep the room clean and Joanne and Ed were very clear about giving me privacy so they should be fine. Grabbing a book I roll onto my stomach and pretend to read.

It's only Michelle and a giggling girlfriend of hers. They both stand in the doorway and talk to me for a few minutes then go on down the hallway into Michelle's room.

Now not only am I sitting here with a woody I can't get rid of but if the way they usually act holds true, both girls are going to find a million reasons to keep coming back into the hallway for some reason or another. I don't want to deal with them tonight.

I also don't want to go out again and even I can't eat again yet so I grab some sweats and a tshirt and head off for the bathroom. I waste as much time as I can and then finally decide to grab a shower. When I pull my jeans down my dick bobs a little and I wrap my fist around it, giving it a few tugs before turning on the water.

The girls are playing music and with that and the sounds of the shower I shouldn't have any problems here. I already had a shower after practice but that's not the point anyway. Bracing one hand against the wall my other hand finds my cock again and pulls.

My mind conjures up images of stuff that I haven't done yet but that I've looked at and watched on video and my hand starts moving faster. When the image of the other guy turns into a shorter blonde guy with a voice that oozes sex, and when I imagine that voice whispering in my ear I lose it, and I'm left watching my cum wash down the drain.

Still tugging on my cock I keep imagining Brett, my back pressed against his chest, his hard cock pressing against my ass, his fingers flying along the length of my dick. Pretending its his finger slipping inside of me instead of my own makes my knees shake a little and I blow another load.

I wash up quick and dry myself off before I notice I can't hear music anymore. I pull on my clean clothes and throw my jeans in the hamper in the hallway before going downstairs.

I just jerked off thinking about a guy who's parents I live with and that I play against next week, shit, how fucked up is that?

The girls are nowhere to be found so I go to the kitchen and despite my earlier thoughts suddenly want a snack. A little physicality always makes me hungry. When I actually do have sex I'm going to have to eat for hours to recover.

I'm eating my sixth set of raisin toast and laughing to myself when Joanne and Ed come home. They come into the kitchen and burst into laughter.

I look at Joanne and a burst of guilt explodes in my chest. I can feel my cheeks burn when she grabs a drink and sits down as well. The realization that I just jerked of twice while thinking about her son isn't sitting well with me right about now.

I feel like she can tell, like she can read from the expression on my face that I'm gay and more importantly that I'm lusting after her son. I take a deep breath when they just keep on talking to me like they usually do and I realize what a paranoid freak I'm being.

"She was but I think she left again. I was in the shower." I add the last bit on so they don't think I'm stupid enough to not have noticed her leave.

While Joanne goes to make a call I eat the last of my toast and pop my plate in the dishwasher. "She's spending the night." Joanne smiles when she returns.

Guilt again. What is it with moms? Anyone's mom has that built in mechanism to zone in and is extra nice to make you feel guilty. I shake my head and she pulls ice cream out of the freezer. "You sure?' her smile is so pure that I know there is no way she is doing anything but being herself and I'm doing nothing but obsessing over something that just isn't happening.

"Well if you insist." I grin back and take the bowl of chocolate ice cream from her. "Thanks." she laughs when I start eating again.

I suddenly remember that she has three sons, she has ways of making me talk. I'm not getting out of this, so I give in. "I get lost more than I probably should." I can't help but smile when she laughs.

"So did I, even though I'd lived in bigger cities. It takes a while to get used to a new city." she takes another spoonful of ice cream.

"NO!" Okay, that came out a little more panicked than I wanted it to. "I don't... I mean uh... no time... uh..."

She lays her hand on mine and laughs a little. "I think I'll throw some laundry in and watch tv for a while." she kisses my forehead and leaves.

I lean back against my chair and finish eating. What the hell was that? I think I'll just go to bed or at the very least hide in my bedroom. Joanne is just coming back from the bathroom and she grabs my arm and presses a piece of paper into my hand.

Tears spring to the back of my eyes but I fight them off and crumple the paper into my hand. "Come with me." she pulls me into the living room and pulls me onto the couch, giving me a really long tight hug.

Something in me breaks when she hugs me, hugs me just like my mom did and I lean my head against her shoulder and sob. Joanne rubs my back until I stop crying and hands me a tissue.

I nod but still feel a little like a big pussy. Joanne hugs me again, neither one of us says the word gay but I know she knows and seems to be okay. Fuck two good reactions in one day, is almost making me feel normal here. Actually for all my freaking out and fears I have only had one bad reaction from someone I've come out to.

My so called best friend in the Hat. I told him a month before I left to come to Vancouver, not only did Brent freak out but he proceeded to tell half the town that Mr. hockey hero was a big fag. Some believed him and others didn't but nothing much changed for me.

My teammates still treated me the same. Maybe they didn't know or maybe me being Captain gave the respect enough that even if they were talking behind my back nothing ever got said to me or changed in a way that made me or them uncomfortable. I heard the word fag from a few opposing players but so do half of the guys on the team, so that really doesn't count.

I guess though that one of these days as more of my old Tiger's teammates come to the NHL or some of the guys I played against who heard rumours about me are going to show up and people are going to find out. I'll deal with that when and if it happens I guess. I'm hoping that I won't lie but I'm not just going to offer up the information either.

In a small city being the best player in town comes with certain advantages. The respect came in handy in this case. I took advantage of the few advantages I could get the occasional free meal was great, the girls were irrelevant to me, I didn't date at all until I was sixteen and it wasn't long after that that I started to wonder if I might be gay.

It was a year later before I really admitted that to myself and almost a year after that before I said the words out loud to another person. My brother Jamie, he was kinda freaked out but stayed cool.

"You okay honey?" Joanne brushes my hair off my forehead. I nod yes and she kisses my forehead again and goes upstairs. "Night." she calls before closing her bedroom door.

I turn off the lights and go up too. My room in at the other end of the hallway from theirs so I can't hear any hushed voices or anything like that when I go to my room. I close my door and strip down to my boxers before sliding under the covers.

The book I was reading earlier drops to the floor and when I move to pick it up I see the magazines again. I wonder if Joanne knows about Brett, or if Brett really is gay or if these were just a passing thing that he was interested in when he was a kid.

Things would be a lot easier on me right now if I believed that about myself. I need someone to talk to, or be with or something. I don't even know what I need right now.

The waiters' number is still crumpled up on the nightstand and I wonder if I should just call him and make a date and get it the fuck over with.

I'm no closer to a decision the next morning. I don't know if Joanne told Ed or not but I don't think so, she winks at me and we all eat breakfast before leaving for work. They go together and I get in my truck to drive to House's.

He's not waiting; he never is so I head inside. The apartment door is open and there is a lot of laughter coming from inside. I poke my head around the corner and stop dead in my tracks. House and his wife are sitting at the table with another guy who looks about my age.

He's gorgeous. Easily as tall as I am with black curly hair that just barely brushes his collar. He's wearing a sweatshirt but I can tell even with the bulky sweater that he's built. He looks up and notices me and smiles. Shit, his smile is beautiful too. His lips are full and almost a plum colour, instantly my body reacts. Thank God I wore baggy jeans today. If he's gay he might just be looks wise my perfect guy. I wonder if he is.

"Hey." I grin at Deb. I'm tempted to call her Mrs. House but she smacked me really hard the last time I did.

"This is Thomas, our neighbour. Thomas, Trevor." House nods and points at both of us as we shake hands. Again a jolt of something jumps through my body only, stronger than the one I got just from looking at Thomas. I need to get myself under control.

House isn't even finished eating yet so I join them for breakfast and eat again. Hey, its pancakes, there's always room for pancakes. My eyes drift back to Thomas and I'm transfixed for a few minutes watching his lips close around his forkful of pancakes and then the clean fork slide out. Thomas licks a crumb of his bottom lip and I have to bite mine to avoid moaning.

"House, we're gonna be late if we don't leave soon." I could sit here all day and watch Thomas eat but everyone in the room would be embarrassed by the result of me doing that and I don't want to be sitting here with a load in my jeans.

Deb laughs and grabs House's plate; she can't answer for laughing so I do. "Cause he's so huge, not fat obviously but broad. As in big as a house. He ate six hot dogs once after a practice..." I'm babbling and about to die from embarrassment.

"Ahh..." Thomas laughs. "Makes sense. And what do they call you then?" his eyes roam over my body and they're so focused that I can almost feel them on my skin.

My cheeks feel like they're on fire and all of a sudden I can't talk at all. House saves me. "Trevvie doesn't have a nickname yet." he loops his arm over my shoulder.

Thomas smiles and I smile back. "I should be going too or I'll be late for class." he grabs the plates off the table but puts them down when Deb waves her hands.

She kisses House and pushes all three of us out the door. "Do you need a ride?" Thomas turns when I ask and shakes his head.

"Definitely." Oddly I don't feel the same kind of fear and dread that the waiter giving me his number inspired in me.

"It's not nothing." I say when he gets in the passenger seat. "I made a mistake last night and instead of jumping all over me you said it was okay. You said I was okay. That's... that means a lot to me."

House shakes his head. "You smiled at a guy Trev, half the guys wouldn't even have noticed. You didn't do anything wrong at all. " he cocks his head to the side and smiles. "And you are okay I guess."

I burst into laughter and then cough when I feel my eyes tingle a little. I refuse to cry twice in two days, I rarely cry and don't want to start making a habit of it. No freaking way. It's bad enough being the rookie I don't want to be known as some kind of sniveling crybaby.

"Nope My older brother is gay." House shrugs. "He came out when I was a kid. It just never seemed weird to me, him and his lover have always been part of my life."

"Oh." I sigh. I need to stop being so suspicious of people that are clearly on my side here. "Before last night were you thinking I was gay?" I've said that word out loud so few times it always seems to get stuck on my tongue. In my head I can say it over and over. But out loud it gets tangled up every time just about.

"I didn't." House smiles. "Okay I did for a bit at first but then I thought I was just being too observant and just got to know you."

Aside from Ronnie House was the first guy on the team who offered to show me around, who invited me home, who took time out to really make me feel welcome. I have no doubts that he does actually like me for me but I'm guessing now that he probably felt like he should be there to protect me a little too.

"Well, he's fucking gorgeous, of course I like the way he looks. What's he like?" I turn the truck into an almost empty street and House bursts into laughter.

"You found the shortcut without me having to remind you." he sticks his hand up in the air and I clap it and we both laugh. I might get this city figured out yet.

By the time we get to Coliseum I really don't care if House did just find me another gay guy my age to introduce me to. I know all about Thomas. He lives next door to House with his mother and younger brother and goes to college while working part time at a hospital. He wants to be a doctor eventually. House is pretty sure that Deb likes him more than she likes him considering how often he gets invited over.

Okay if Deb likes him, even more than House liking him that makes me think that he's okay. So he's gorgeous, smart, funny, and a nice guy. And he wants to see me again.

For all my talk here I don't know if I'm ready to go out on a date or even if I want to... fuck... maybe this is some kind of phase. I shake my head. That's so chicken shit. I feel nothing when I look at girls, I've kissed girls I almost had sex with a girl, she was beautiful and her naked body did nothing for me. Today just watching Thomas eat nearly made me come in my jeans.

"What?" House is staring at me while I finish rounding up my issues. I shrug, its too stupid to say out loud. "What?" he repeats again.

I take a deep breath and close my eyes and start babbling. I don't open my eyes again until I've told House that I've never had sex, that I don't know if I'm ready to date, or if I really have enough balls to actually be gay. That sometimes I wish I would just meet some girl so things would be easier even though I know that I don't want that. I keep on talking until he lays a hand on my shoulder and chuckles.

"Jesus, you were just dying for someone to talk to huh?" House stops laughing and smiles. "I don't know what to tell you Trev. Only that when I close my eyes and think of what makes me happy I see me playing hockey and I see me with Deb and eventually a few kids. Yes in that order. You'll have to do that and see what you see... what you want."

I nod and he continues on talking. "All I'm assuming here is that one of the things you see is playing hockey and you worked really hard at that sacrificing shit since you were in elementary school. You had balls enough to make it through the Western Hockey League when you were fifteen. You had talent enough to make the pros at eighteen, not a lot of guys can do that, I sure as fuck didn't. Picture what else it is that makes you happy and decide if it's worth working for. I hope it is for your sake but you have to decide that."

House gives my shoulder a quick squeeze and hops out of the truck. I lean against the seat and take a deep breath then take another one. The reality of House's words hit me hard. I know that I don't want some girl, even without closing my eyes the person I want lying in bed with me eventually is a man. When I come back from a road trip it isn't a soft cushioned embrace that I want. I want to be crushed in arms as strong as mine and held against a broad hard chest, stubble from his chin brushing against my cheek when I turn to kiss him.

I smile sheepishly and grab my gear so I can follow our Captain into the arena. "How's the city treating ya kid." It's funny that after all these months that's still what everyone asks me.

"Great." I grin, and it has been I've been welcomed into the team and the city with open arms. There is a niggling voice in the back of my head saying that hardly any of them know the real me though.

I ignore it; they know what they need to know. Just cause some guys sit in the locker room and tell us in great detail about the chick that they banged the night before doesn't mean they need to know anything about my private life. I know that when I do have someone in my life I don't want to have to hide it but that's a moot point right now.

Fuck it, I'm eighteen I'm not worrying about settling down and shit like that when I haven't even gotten laid yet.

Stan taps me on the ass and we go into the locker room. I love this. Any fucked up personal issues I have are gone as of right now. I get undressed and then redressed in my practice uniform. We're ranging in age from me to guys in their late thirties and we're all in various states of undress and it doesn't matter. The locker room is a different world.

The first grind of my skates on the ice and I don't think of anything else but that sound. It's just me on the ice and I like that. Nothing exists for me right now except the crunch of my blades and the rapidly increasing sound of my breathing as I fly across the ice.

It doesn't last long and other guys join me for those first few minutes. They do the same thing, even the guys who make millions of dollars and have been playing for years and years have that same happy look on their face when they first step on the ice and hear that crunch.

A few hours later none of us have that look anymore, not that we're not still happy, well I am anyway but I'm too fucking wiped to be as happy as I was earlier. A shower is so going to do me a world of good right about now. We have a road trip starting tomorrow, then its back to Vancouver to play St. Louis. To play Brett.

But before that we have a game tonight against Hartford. We win which rocks but I don't score which kinda of bums me out. Then again right now I should just be happy that I didn't fuck anything up. I'm not bragging in thinking I'm a good player but being good in junior and being good in the NHL are worlds apart.

That's not to say that I'm not doing okay. House is right hardly any guys make it to the NHL at eighteen, and even less come straight from junior hockey at eighteen without spending time in the minors for seasoning. I'm doing great. There's even been Calder talk. I don't pay to much attention though the way I see it Brian Leetch already has his name on the trophy for best rookie.

I haven't worked this hard at hockey since I first broke in to junior. I'm still having a blast and it really doesn't feel like work to me any of the time and its worth it to me even if I'm dead assed tired by the end of some games to be playing here so I'm not complaining.

I'm rooming with House on the road trip so I make plans to pick him up tomorrow morning so his wife can keep their car while we're gone. I drive home by myself and think about what House said to me earlier and when I get in my room I close my eyes and imagine my future.

First off definitely I see me with the Stanley Cup. I see me playing for a lot more years. Then I see me in a great house. I see me stood on the porch of my house watching the sunset, the arms wrapped around my chest are strong and when I tilt my head back for a kiss rough whiskers brush against my cheek and a hard bulge presses against my ass.

Like House the first thing I see is about hockey but from the warmth that spreads through me I know that the rest of it is what I want too. Brushing my hands across my chest my nipples stiffen under my fingers and I bite my lips so I don't moan.

No one is close enough to hear me unless I really made a lot of noise but still, I'd hate to get caught. I don't need any outside stimulation like the magazines under the bed tonight; all I need is my hand and imagination. It doesn't even take long just a few minutes of stroking and thinking of that nameless faceless man and cum spurts over my knuckles.

I clean up with a tissue and tug my sweats back up, this time my side effect isn't hunger so much as tiredness.

"Trevor." I wake up to a soft knocking at my door. It's Joanne. "Your alarm's been going off for a half hour." she peeks in the door and smiles.

"Oh... uh... sorry." I slap my hand down on the clock and sigh. I hate sleeping late. I wonder how the hell I slept through my alarm I never do that. My dream filters into my mind and I smile. It wasn't a full on sex dream it was just me and the guy being together. Going to dinner, watching TV, going to a movie, whatever, just being together.

Oh there was sex too, lots of sex. Sex that was hot as hell and different somehow than I'd dreamed of before. The same result is hidden under my blanket right now but the sex was different. I don't feel panicked and so weird as I usually do after a sex dream.

Joanne opens her mouth like she's going to say something but then shakes her head. "Are you... him... umm..."

"Ohh, his wife." Joanne smiles. "Good he's too old for you." she gives my hair a ruffle and wishes me good luck on the trip.

I'd gotten my clothes together the night before so I grab a quick shower and throw on my suit before heading out the door. Tossing my bag on the seat I pull out of the driveway and drive to House's. Deb chuckles when I bang on the door and she reaches out to fix my tie.

"They should hold practices to show you guys how to tie these properly if they're going to make you wear them." she smiles and gestures to the table.

I grab a plate and start piling it high with food and the three of us eat in mostly silence. Since she was so nice I can't resist. "Thanks for breakfast Mrs. House." House bursts into laughter and Deb glares at me then joins him.

"You're welcome." her eyes narrow as she hugs me. "What if I said it was the last one you're going to have if you ever call me that again."

"Alright, if you're done flirting with Trev we need to go." House kisses his wife, a little longer than usual. She reaches up and takes hold of his face and says I love you and House returns it and kisses her again.

I'd like to think that the small eruption in my chest was just me being uncomfortable, but its not. I'm not and haven't ever been the slightest bit uncomfortable with them kissing. And its not like I want to be married or even settled down, but it'd be nice to know that someone is going to miss besides my surrogate mother.

Just as we're about to walk down the stairs I hear Thomas' door open and my name called. House takes my keys and keeps on walking. "Hey Trevor."

"Looks good on you." he nods. "Listen when you get back I was wondering if you wanted to get some food or something?"

"Sure." I'm surprised that my first instinct wasn't to put him off until I analyzed it to death. "I get back on Sunday night so Monday?"

"You bet." damn, there I go sounding like a farm boy again. "I'll call you Sunday to double check the time."

Thomas writes his number down and pulls a piece of paper from his notebook and passes it to me. "Looking forward to it."

I grin and race down the stairs. My heart is pounding but its not because I'm nervous, I'm just excited. I put his number in my pocket and meet up with House. He's sitting in the truck looking through tapes finally picking one and sticking it in the deck when I get in.

Trooper blares from the speakers and House turns it down a bit when we both jump at the noise. Instead of driving to the airport we go to the stadium so the whole team can take a charter to the airport together. "What did Thomas want?" House grabs his bag and tosses me mine.

"Ahhhh... please don't. I know, believe me I know." I smile, I definitely don't need the safe sex lecture here. "And thank you."

When we start walking again Ron Stern comes up behind us and throws an arm over each of our shoulders. "You two got something you want to share with the rest of us?" his eyes dart back and forth between the two of us.

House and I look at each other and grin. "Nope." we answer together and Ronnie laughs and smacks us both on the ass before going off to bother someone else.

In a lot of ways this always feels like a field trip did back in elementary school. Everyone is all boisterous and just getting ready to go. When the coaches finally join us we pile on the bus. Yeah its school all over again, the veterans are in the back of the bus and the rookies up front.

Unless like me you happen to have made friends with one of the cool kids... I mean semi veteran players and get to sit in the middle. There's no real cliques on the team, there can't be for us to work properly but the seating whether on bus or on a plane is one of those things that doesn't get fucked around with much.

The plane is of course late and I make the huge mistake of falling asleep in the airport. I wake up and can only hear snickering. Fuck, I'm almost afraid to open my eyes. It's not as bad as I thought. Someone made a sign that says 'spare change?' and propped it up against my stomach.

Not only are my teammates laughing but the various reporters and people passing by are also chuckling. I sigh and lay the sign down and everyone howls. One of these days when I'm not a rookie payback is going to be a bitch on these guys.

House is still laughing when I look at him and he has black marks on his fingertips. I smirk and look at them a little closer and he shrugs. "What?" I just laugh. I still have to wait to do public payback on him no matter how good of friends we are that's still overstepping my rookie boundaries. I could pay him back in private but what'd be the point?

The plane finally does arrive and we get to the game. We don't win but we played great, friggin' Glenn Hanlon stole the game from us. I don't feel as bad as after a loss but its still sucks when you play your heart out and the goalie stands on his head like that.

I took Thomas' number with me and when House goes out I calculate the time difference and decide to suck it up and call him. He answers on the second ring and is surprised to hear from me.

He laughs and we start talking, It's halted and weird at first but we get going and eventually end up talking like we've known each other forever instead of two days. Nothing earth shattering of course just interests and his work and school. I like him a lot more than even I thought I was going to.

Thomas and me end up talking every night I'm gone, about everything and nothing, neither of us brings up our jobs anymore, just stuff we like to do. Of course we eventually move onto sex and skirt around it a little. Thomas isn't that experienced either but he has done it before and says its cool that I haven't.

When I hang up the last night House is just coming out from the shower. I don't know if he's just being nice to wait and give me privacy or if it was just coincidence. But whatever it was coo. House goes to grab a snack from downstairs but I just go to sleep.

Playing wise the road trip was awful. We played great but couldn't catch a break; we only won one game out of four. So the flight back to Vancouver isn't nearly as boisterous or filled with practical jokes as the earlier one was.

We're going to have an extra practice Monday morning and one in the afternoon. Bob is to say the least pissed that our winning percentage was so low and he wants us ready for the Blues on Tuesday. I drop House off and head home.

I really don't mind travelling with the Canucks; it beats the fuck out of sitting on a bus for fourteen hours through the prairies in the middle of winter. Sleeping a hotel bed with clean sheets is much nicer than sleeping on the small seat and then finally being able to stretch out on the floor of the bus in a sleeping bag that had been dragged across Western Canada a hundred times.

But even with the easier travel its definitely nice to be home. There's a note from Joanne and Ed, they're gone until Monday morning and Michele is staying a friend's house so I'm home alone for the night.

I grab a quick shower and pull on a pair of pajama bottoms foregoing underwear and a shirt for the first time in months except for on the road and order some pizza.

A half hour later I'm chowing down on a fully loaded pizza and drinking a beer, like I said not much of a drinker but pizza and beer just goes together like... well like pizza and beer.

I tidy up and aren't in the mood to watch TV so I head up to my room when I remember the magazines. Finally I can take a good look at them with some semblance of privacy.

Half way up the stairs I remember that even though we've talked every night I was still supposed to call Thomas tonight. A woman answers I'm assuming its his mom. "Is Thomas home?"

All of a sudden there is a huge amount of noise from the other end of the phone. "My brother just came home with a pack of friends." he explains.

"No problem." He didn't say he wasn't a hockey fan, just not a Canuck fan. "Hey, then who do you follow?" I can't believe after six really long phone conversations we never talked about this.

"I like the Leafs." he whispers, I don't think the whisper was for my benefit because even more noise erupts from his apartment and there is a lot of grumbling about the Leafs and finally his mom shouts and its almost quiet.

I take a deep breath, It's now or never. We may have talked a lot already but not specifically about our date. "What time is good for you on Monday?" I twine the phone cord around my finger waiting for his answer. Now that I've made my mind up to go out I'm convinced something is going to fuck it up.

"Cool." We keep on talking for a while longer. His brother is a huge Canuck fan and Thomas hasn't told him who he's going out with yet. His mom isn't a big fan, he says the whole team could come for supper and his mom wouldn't have a clue who they were.

By the time we hang up we've talked about music, our families, everything. Again, it was kind of like just talking to a buddy, except that I don't have this jittery bouncy nervousness, not to mention half wood when I'm done talking to House.

I'm still a bit weirded out about having sex, not just with him but in general. What that means, even what it entails I guess. Okay I know what it actually entails but thinking about actually doing it with someone is just weird. I think I'll just read about it for right now.

I hop in bed and flick through a magazine, the pictures making me fully hard; the stories in them aren't exactly Shakespeare but they do their job. I don't even need to be quiet this time, I'm moaning and the bedsprings are protesting slightly as I pump my hips in time with my stroking hand.

My dick swells and twitches as I read about some guy fucking another one hard over the kitchen table. The faster the action on the page gets the quicker my hand moves, pre cum drools down my shaft making it slicker. I know I'm getting close.

Cum flows over my hand twice before I lay the magazine down. I don't even bother cleaning up, just give my hand a quick lick and decide to do laundry in the morning.

I'm not asleep for very long when I'm bounced about a foot of the bed and I scream and blink at the figure in bed with me.

"Who're you?" All I can hear is a raspy, vaguely familiar voice and all I can see in the almost darkness is a crystal blue eye peering at me and spiky blonde hair resting against the pillow.

'Trevor... Linden." I blink a few times and realize that its Brett. Brett fucking Hull is in bed with me, and he has no shirt on.

He reaches for the light and turns it on. He has no pants on either. "Shit, I forgot you were living here now." he sits up and looks at me. I look down as well. My pants are only half assed pulled up, they barely cover my hips and I'm still kinda hard. I'm not even mentioning the dried cum that I can feel on my stomach and fingers.

"See that's the trouble with trying to surprise someone." Brett leans against the headboard all he's wearing is boxers but it doesn't seem to bother him. Then again he wasn't just beating off to a spank magazine.

When Brett stretches his leg out and paper crinkles, I realize where I left it. He reaches down to see what he's kicked and his forehead wrinkles as he looks at it. "Hey, where'd you find these?"

"I hid these when I was seventeen and when I moved to Calgary totally forgot where I'd hid them" Brett flicks through the pages and smiles.

He's not pissed. Cool. "Under the carpet in the closet. I pulled it lose by accident last week and found them."

"I pulled out a handful but there was tons more." I reach under the bed and grab what I'd taken. "You're not..."

"Yeah I am kid." he winks. Fuck just the sound of his voice has me hard again. "And you are too by the looks of things." he looks pointedly at the bulge in my pants.

"Hell no." Brett grins, and I notice his dimples for the first time. Hard and getting harder by the minute. "I'll grab them though before I leave, make the road a little more lively. You know what its like on the road. My roommate isn't down with me bringing someone back to the room but I know him well enough now that we can both beat off in the room together. You enjoying the big leagues kid?"

I nod yes. The whole him beating off with his roommate thing doesn't surprise me. In junior that happened so often it just didn't matter anymore. And since I've been here I've seen two guys go back to their room with two girls and even one girl. The road is the road, I've never picked anyone up though, not only don't I want to but I wouldn't, even now that he knows I like guys, put House in that position. He might be the coolest guy I know but even he has his limits.

We have both jerked off at the same time though; the adrenaline of the game combined with the loneliness of the road is a lot to deal with. That gets rid of the adrenaline and at least takes the edge of the lonely for guys that are used to sleeping with their wife or whatever.

For me, jerking off before I go to sleep has become a way of life. My own little sleeping pill. I've never had enough of a problem sleeping yet that I've had to resort to the kind you have to buy. And I'm no lonelier on the road then I am at home anyway.

At least on the road I'm one of the boys. At home I used to be Trevor the son, or around town Trevor the hockey star or with some people Trevor the fag. And in Vancouver I'm just Trevor. The new kind on the block and the great shining hope for the future of the Canucks. Some people, actually a lot of them, know who I am now but I can go so many places where people don't know any of the Canucks let alone me. I love that.

And on the road, In the hotel room I'm just me, even before I was out to House I was comfortable with him, hell even with his wife. I'm as comfy at their house as I am at my own or at the Robinson's. I know I'm lucky to have made such a great friend from day one at training camp.

Brett is still flipping through the magazine. I glance at the rapidly growing bulge in his boxers and just as quickly look away.

Not quick enough though, Brett catches my eye and grins. I know I'm blushing again, fuck I'd be surprised if I haven't stopped blushing since I woke up and found Brett in bed with me.

Widening his smile Brett slides a hand over his definitely not flat but by no means muscled stomach and grasps his cock through his boxers. I snap my eyes immediately to his face, my cheeks burning even hotter as I stare at him.

"Come on kid... err... Trevor lets just pretend its the road." Brett looks at me a little closer. "How old are you?" he cocks an eyebrow.

"Right. How else would you be in the league already. Just making sure" Brett grins and tosses me a magazine. "And I can see you're up for this already." He looks pointedly at my cock, it's a lot more than at half-mast like it was. "So do you want to do it?"

"I'm not asking you to fuck me Trevor, lets just enjoy the magazines huh?" Brett grins again and gives his dick a squeeze.

At this point I'll be honest if he had asked me to fuck him... in all my thinking here I've always been thinking I'd be the one to get fucked... hmm... anyway, if he had asked me to fuck him I don't know how I'd answer. It's like his smile has put a freaking spell on me or something.

So I nod and take the magazine he tossed at me. I pull my pajama pants over my hips first and my dick is standing full at attention, a bit of pre cum drizzling from the head. Brett's eyes are fully focused on my cock and he moans softly when I rub my thumb over the head.

Brett is just so much more forward than I have experience with... everyone is more forward than what I have experience with for God sake. A few fumbling jerk off session and blowjobs with Max in the Hat haven't exactly given me the knowledge I need right now.

Certainly not enough to match Brett. He's every inch the cocky, brash, Golden Brett that the media portrays him as, and while its sexy as hell on screen up close its so hot its fucking killing me.

He's here, he's experienced, he likes what he sees and vice versa. I'm single, I assume he is. So what the hell is wrong with a mutual jo?

The pre cum running down my shaft is mingling with the partially dried cum from before making it slick enough so I start stroking. I'm not looking down like I usually do though my eyes are locked on Brett.

His boxers are down over his hips as well and I get my first view of his cock. Now since its all part of being a hockey player I've seen hundreds of naked men and boys in the last few years. At first its all embarrassing jumping under the shower and throwing clothes on and eventually like I said you end up being comfy enough to play naked ping pong while reporters mingle around.

Anyway so yeah I've seen a lot of cock, but aside from Max, on screen, and my own they've all been just kind of there you know what I mean? All the guys have cocks, Max had a cock and I certainly have one but even the full on fucking sessions I've watched on video don't compare to the thick, hard, throbbing cock that's like two inches from my hip right now.

Brett catches me staring at his dick and grins. My cock actually throbs and jumps when he smiles. "You want to touch it?"

I nod and tentatively place my hand over his, not actually touching his cock, just his hand. I haven't even looked at the magazine yet, and really don't think I'm going to be looking at it tonight so when it falls to the floor I don't mind much.

Though its still open next to him, Brett isn't looking at his magazine either. We're both stroking ourselves slowly, one of my hands on my cock and one on top of his hand while he strokes himself. We shoot sidelong glances at each other and then down to our own and each other's cock.

At some point this became not about just looking at some magazines and getting off but about a shared experience and yeah still getting off but it's different. Without me really making the decision to, my hand has replaced Brett's on his cock.

Again even though I'm almost too far gone to notice anything I can't help but feel the difference between Brett's cock and Max's... hell even mine. Actually I think mine might be longer but Brett's is so wide. It might be my lack of experience talking here but I'm impressed.

I know since I'm stroking him that he is going to repay the favour but still when his hand closes over my cock I jump and squeak.

Right away Brett's whole personality changes. His hand stops moving all together and he stares at me. "Never done this before?" he whispers. He doesn't look nearly as bold as he did before there's something more there behind his eyes.

Brett sighs and sits back up a little. I hear a muffled curse under his breath and then he speaks again. "Do you want me to go or..."

The meaning behind the words is clear. Whatever we do here tonight is totally up to me. I know I don't want to have sex with him. No matter how much a part of me is screaming, here he is, he knows what he's doing, just do it and get it over with. No matter all that it just doesn't feel right now.

Brett moans and reaches out to start stroking me as well. I don't jump this time and when I look up his grin is firmly back in place. I look from his face to his hand. His hand on my cock doesn't look a whole lot different than mine does on my cock but it sure as hell feels different.

I can already feel my load build up and he must too cause his hand begins to move faster, gripping me just a little tighter at he same time. I admit that my own attempt at getting him off have been less than spectacular, just my hand sliding along his cock loosely but judging from his moans Brett seems to be enjoying it.

Still I do have a few tricks up my sleeve, wiggling my index finger I tease the vein running along the underside of his cock and stroke under the head with my thumb. Brett moans louder and shockingly even to me he comes before I do. His cum flows over my knuckles and I lose it too.

I don't even try and be quiet. I scream when he keeps stroking, prolonging what's already the longest, best orgasm I've ever had. Finally I fall back slack against the blankets and Brett does too, both of us breathing heavily.

My hand is still on his cock and his is still on mine, neither of us has said anything or moved aside from the rise and fall of our chests. I move first, grabbing the box of tissues from the nightstand and pass Brett one before wiping myself of a bit too.

Well and here I was wondering that this was going to be all awkward and shit. "What?" See I can do this without making a fool of myself.

Brett adjusts his shorts as well and a few seconds later we're sitting down in the kitchen eating cold pizza like nothing just happened. And ya know I'm cool with that it really wasn't a big deal so there is no need to make it one. I'm still kind of shaken from my orgasm though; I've never come like that before.

Opening two beers Brett lays one in font of me and takes a swig of the other. I take a sip and start eating again. I really thought I was going to be nervous just talking to Brett but I'm not. I'm just a rookie and he's been in the league for almost six years so I can't really say we're peers but that's what it feels like, what he's treating me like.

The leftover pizza doesn't last long and Brett is looking in the freezer looking for more food, he grumbles something about ice cream and slams the freezer shut.

I smile back, mostly as a reflex but also cause I kind of want to kiss him right now. "Might be some cookies in the cupboard." Yeah see that's more productive than making a move to actually kiss him.

"Thanks." Brett turns to look in the cupboard and when he turns back around I grab him by the shoulders and bend low enough to press my lips to his. He drops the cookies and kisses me back, but lets me keep control. I hadn't quite realized how much taller I am than him before right now.

His hands slide down my back and cup my ass, kneading the cheeks a little and moaning as my tongue flickers into his mouth. Once again this is different, no fumbling or awkwardness, just a deep long kiss with someone who knows what they're doing, that's about a second from ending with me in a heap on the floor.

When I pull my head back Brett's breath is coming as ragged as mine is and he's grinning again. He kisses me again, harder this time, definitely not leaving it up to me to take the lead. And I like it. Brett knows exactly what he's doing, exactly where to put his tongue, exactly where to put his hands.

They're sliding up my back, around to my chest, teasing, gripping, pulling until I'm rock hard again without him even having touched my dick. That's taken care of a second later. I grab my beer and take a long swallow and Brett's breath is warm against my ear.

His lips slide along my neck, down to my chest. Brett flickers his tongue against my nipple and bites down, not hard enough to hurt me but fuck I nearly come there and then. No one has ever touched me like that before. I've never felt like this before.

My hands are running through his hair as he goes lower. I look down when Brett's tongue drags over my stomach and even though I feel shaky I'm surprised to see that my legs are shaking. I look at Brett and see that he's looking up at me with his hands gripping the waistband of my pants I know exactly what the unasked question is.

As soon as I nod yes Brett stands up and kisses me. Just a soft brush of his lips against mine and a whisper against my ear that he'll be right back. My mind isn't registering anything but that considering how good his lips felt on my chest that I am about to get one hell of a blowjob.

Brett's back in a couple of seconds and he has a foil packet in his hands. Just one. I'd think about that more but he's kissing me again and my cock is ready to burst through my pants. I nod yes when he asks me again if I'm sure and he sinks to his knees, tugging my pants down.

My eyes are squeezed shut as he runs his fingers along my cock, rolling the rubber into place while my hands are gripping the counter, I think that's the only thing holding me up. Somehow I manage not to come at the first touch of his lips on my dick.

That's all he does first is just run his lips along the length, teasing, licking until I let go of the counter and run my hands over his shoulders up to grasp his hair. Brett looks up at me just as I open my eyes and stare at him. He winks then grins and opens his mouth a little more.

Next thing I know my whole cock's inside his mouth, my whole cock's surrounded by a heat and tightness like I've never felt before. Max sure as fuck never did this. At the most it was a little mouth and a lot of hands getting me off but Brett's using his entire mouth, his tongue, fuck, even his throat muscles are working me.

Now my eyes are totally riveted to him, no way in hell I could move my eyes from his mouth. From looking at his hollowed cheeks and his lips as they move along my shaft. Looking at the shape of my cock bulging from the side of his cheek is sexy as hell. Both of Brett's hands cup my balls and that's it, I lose it, pumping my hips as I come hard again.

By the time I'm done Brett's arms around my waist is the only thing keeping me upright. He keeps sucking though, sucks until I stop shuddering completely and then gets rid of the rubber and stands up and kisses me. A soft kiss and then a few more along my neck as we walk up the stairs.

Brett comes into my room with me and kisses me again. This time a lot harder than before and hugs me close against his chest. "Night Trevor." he brushes his lips over my ear.

He shakes his head. "Nope, I'm fine. Night." Brett grins and kisses me again. He pauses to pick up the magazines then heads off to the spare room.

I let out the breath I was holding and flop down on the bed. I know that if he had of asked me I'd have agreed to have sex with him. No way in hell would I have said no to Brett. But he didn't ask me, he somehow knew that even though I would have done it I wasn't really ready to.

I could feel his cock hard against my leg when he hugged me so I know he was turned on, so that's not it. I guess he's not just the cocky brash guy everyone thinks he is. Then again from the way he's treated me all evening I knew that before now.

Pulling the blankets up over me I close my eyes and the scene in the kitchen replays itself over in my head. As good as it was it doesn't exactly take me long to go over the whole thing. Only difference is when I close my eyes its not the top of Brett's head I see over my crotch it's a mass of black curls and smiling brown not blue eyes that look up at me. It's not Brett at all that I imagine, its Thomas.

I was already feeling pretty damn good about my date with Thomas tomorrow night but now I feel like I don't have a care in the world in regards to what is or isn't going to happen. I just handled Brett going down on me fine I know I can handle whatever Thomas brings to the table.

For the first night in a long time I actually fall asleep with my mind clear. I'm not afraid of how people are going to react to me, or how I am going to react to people or... its just clear.

Downstairs is noisier than usual when I wake up. I know I've slept in but it can't be late enough for everyone to be home already. But when I gather up some clean clothes and peek over the stairs on my way to the bathroom, I hear Joanne, Ed and Brett's voices ringing out clearly.

Even though I know I have to shower, I can hardly go downstairs reeking of both mine and Brett's cum, I don't spend a ton of time in the shower. Just a quick wash and I get dressed in jeans and a t shirt.

Brett must have gotten up early and cleaned all the pizza and beer stuff away because when I get downstairs none of it's around anymore. "Trevor." Joanne gives me a quick hug. "Good road trip?" she waits for me to grimace then laughs and introduces me to Brett.

The nervousness and weirdness I expected to feel around Joanne considering that I was with her son last night is gone with that wink from Brett. Joanne looks at both of us a little longer than usual but smiles and goes on into the living room.

We all burst into laughter and Brett smacks me on the shoulder lightly. "It seems I've been replaced by this kid then huh mom?" he throws an arm over my shoulder and leans into kiss his mother.

Despite myself that hug gives me a little pang of homesickness, luckily for me Joanne seems to notice this and gives me a nice big hard hug too. I know I should be enough of a man to not have needed it but I wanted it dammit.

Ed darts his eyes from me to Joanne and finally to Brett when we all just stare at him. Joanne just gives me a head nod but I shake mine and answer. "Thomas."

"Ahh..." Ed frowns for a second then smiles. "Oh Thomas... who's Thomas?" Joanne throws an arm over his shoulder and waves Brett and me out of the room.

"He's uhh..." Shit what so I say here? He's not my boyfriend, but more than just some guy. "My friend." There nice and lame.

"It's cool kid." Brett throws an arm over my shoulder and grins. Despite the intimacy we shared last night there isn't a trace of that in his movements, just friendly interest. "You been seeing him long?"

"Uh yeah." As I nod I realize that it really is my first real date not just with Thomas but with anyone. I'm not counting screwing around with Max in the barn as a date.

Brett interrupts me before I can finish. "God yes. She was more okay about it then I was at first, Ed too. You don't have anything to worry about there." Brett sighs. "My dad knows but doesn't want to know." he shrugs like it doesn't mean much to him one way or the other but I can see in his eyes that it does.

"And I'm guessing Bob wouldn't take that you were up late being blown by the opposition as a valid excuse right?"

I can't help but laugh. "No. I'd definitely say no to that." Brett laughs too and I hug him this time. "Thanks for last night for not freaking or..."

"I liked it too." Brett leans in close and brushes his lips across mine. "But I bet getting together next time I'm in town isn't an option?"

He presses his finger against my lip and his answering laugh goes straight to my cock and I kiss him a little harder than he kissed me. We both pull back before we get ahead of ourselves. I can't believe I just said that. Did I use him last night? I wanted someone to come along and show me that sex didn't have to be weird and awkward and he showed me that and then I rebuffed him just now. Do I owe him something more now?

"Do .I.. do you... last night when we, is it cool that I didn't want..." Even for me this is impressive rambling.

Brett smiles. "It was just a blow job Trevor. It's cool." He gives me another quick hug. I shake my head. I wasn't just a blowjob for me. Brett presses his lips to my ear and whispers. "I know."

I turn my head and look at him. My face is on fire but I force myself to say the words. "Good then shut up and let me say thanks." He laughs out loud and lets me kiss him, a long hard kiss that nearly leaves me breathless.

When we hear Joanne walking down the stairs we break apart and in my haste to get out of the room I nearly run her over. She puts her hands up in mock defense and joins Brett in the kitchen. I grab my keys and jacket and then nearly run into Ed. "See you later tonight. Have fun on your date." he claps me on the shoulder just like always.

I dart into the kitchen again before I leave. "I gotta go, see you later. We have two practices and then my date so I'll probably be late" I say to Joanne and then smile at Brett.

Joanne looks at me then at Brett, I follow her gaze and notice that his lips are a little swollen, she must too. I barely resist the urge to lick my bottom lip to see if it's swollen as well. Joanne, if she does notice, keeps cool. "Have fun with Thomas tonight Trevor." She opens her mouth like she wants to say something but Brett lays a hand on her shoulder and shakes his head while waving bye to me.

Practice is as rough as I expected it to be, especially since I was about ten minutes late. Bob is pissed and we do all have to come back later this afternoon like I knew we'd have to. Most of the guys, like me, just hang around the arena between practices. There is no point in getting showered and changed only to come back and get all sweaty again.

Just as I strip off most of my equipment and lean back into my stall when House sits next to me and throws his arm over my shoulders. "Rough night?"

House looks at me for a few minutes not saying anything then smiles. "You've changed a lot in the last week Trev. You seem a lot more..."

House nods. "Yeah." he moves his arm and rubs his knuckles across the top of my head. "It looks good on you."

I may as well just say that red is my natural skin tone at this point. But House is right, his reaction to me and the talks we've had then meeting Thomas have had a huge affect on my state of mind. Last night with Brett, fooling around then having no guilt or issues from it sealed the deal.

I don't even need to think why, at some point House became my sounding board, kind of like my big brother or something. I need to tell him what happened and even though I do feel like it wasn't an entirely awful thing to do, make sure he thinks it was okay too.

I skim over the actual details but spill the entire evening's events to him. When I'm finished my face doesn't feel so hot anymore, it feels cold and slack. House takes one look at me and bursts into laughter.

"So what the fuck?" House whispers. "You got head from a someone who wanted nothing in return and it made you feel good, better about yourself. There's nothing wrong with that." He rubs my shoulder. "Fuck, I'd be happy with that... okay admittedly maybe not from Brett Hull but..."

We both burst into laughter and House stops me from saying thank you. We lean back in our stalls and I just sit there for a few minutes, listening but not paying attention to the music and laughing and general locker room noises. I know I haven't had like a rough life or anything like that or much experience to draw on but right now I feel so at peace with myself

It doesn't last forever though, the next time we get on the ice the peace is sort of shattered by Bob screaming at the entire team and two hours of skating drills. I still love being on the ice no matter what the circumstances but I'm neither peaceful nor calm by the time we get off the ice.

Bob calls me into his office and lets me know that management has decided that I've been here long enough and have adjusted enough in their opinion that I can get my own place if I want to, but that they'd prefer if I had a roommate. I grin and Bob growls at me not to be late for practice again. Even with all my aches from practicing I bounce out of the room. As much as I like living with the Robinsons I think its time.

The long shower I take doesn't exactly get rid of all the aches or the giddiness. The giddiness I can deal with but I know I need to build the tolerance for the pain cause I look worse off than guys who are in their late thirties do right about now. "Hey I can move out on my own if I want to." I holler at House who's just finishing his shower.

"Yeah? Cool. You gonna?" he sticks his head under the spray so I wait until he's all rinsed and say that I am.

"I'm looking for a roommate." Ronnie Stern wraps his towel around his waist and leans against the wall for a minute, looking over my shoulder in the mirror. "If you're interested you can come over and see my apartment."

To say I'm surprised by the offer is way understating. To say yes means that I have to come out to him and hope that he doesn't freak out and also that if he does freak out he keeps it to himself. I'm only just realizing that I'm okay with me and the people I care about are okay with me I don't know if, as much as I like Ronnie, I'm ready to tell anyone else yet.

I look up and realize that Ronnie and House have been staring at me while I have a crisis here and are both waiting for an answer. Funny even though I stopped talking I kept on shaving. Lucky for me I didn't cut my face open.

"Our little Trevor has a date huh?" Ronnie throws an arm over my shoulder. I really don't need to feel his chest against my back right now. "Must be some hot number, I don't remember you saying anything about a date before.

I push him back and rinse my face. "Definitely a hot number." I close my eyes and picture Thomas and smile. House and Ronnie both chuckle.

Ronnie keeps the dialogue going mentioning that my date must be hot cause I'm actually dressing in more than raggedy jeans and a t shirt. I swear after having to dress all the way up on the road there is no way I'm dressing up if I don't have to. So seeing me in nice clothes is apparently something special.

Trying my best to ignore them both I take a look at myself in the mirror. I'm wearing a clean pair of jeans and t shirt with button up a dark blue shirt over top of it. My hair has just enough mousse in it to keep the curls off of my forehead. I look good even if I do say so myself.

Actually I don't need to say so myself, the team has capitalized on my looks enough to make sure I'd know that I looked good even if I didn't have a pretty good image of myself already.